leaving. [24 Aug 2005|03:53pm] this account has been messing up on me; not letting me leave comments and such. i've moved to sh1mmy please feel free to add me there <33 </span> post comment

Friends Only [16 Aug 2005|02:53pm] [ mood | indifferent ] [ music | seven minutes in heaven: fall out boy ] my LJ is now Friends Only I like to be able to speak my mind. My opinions on almost everything are strong. I'm quite emotionally troubled. Don't tell me I'm a whiny bitch looking for attention when I write about my problems. Eh em, FUCK YOU, this is my journal and I'll write about MY problems. I rant a lot and don't always mean what I say while doing so. I'm very sarcastic. If I have an opinion about you, I will state it clearly. I'm young but in a way mature for my age. I hate it when people tYpe LiKe dIsSs!!!!111 I am a grammar nazi and I will correct your spelling and grammar. If you can handle all of this, feel free to add me ;; if I like you, I'll add you back. I actually can be a very nice person. =] 3 comments|post comment

[15 Aug 2005|03:27pm] is it just me or are people getting ruder by the minute? post comment

weekend [01 Aug 2005|07:39pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | time stands still: the all american rejects ] hello lovelies! my dad is finally at work so I could get on here and write a fantubular blog about my weekend tehe. so let's see...Friday I came home and did pretty much nothing except sleep and go on the computer. then at 11:30 saturday morning my mom came and picked me up for the.....family reunion. so we get to my aunt's around quarter after 12 and everything is so hectic. my grandma like shoved a knife in my hand and told me I had to start cutting up fruit for the fruit salad and it was crazy cause everyone was like coming at 1. so after that me and Brett [cousin] and Lauren [also cousin] go and hide in the basement and play MARIO KART! haha I only won like once. ahahaha then I'm talking to Lauren and she tells me that Mario, donnie's friends, dad's name is Mario Luigi lol no lie he's Italian and I just found that absolutely hilarious. so everyone gets here and Lauren and I are so bored because they made us stop playing video games. so her friend calls and asks lauren if she wants to come over and I'm like pshh I'm coming too so we had to beg aunt leslie to let us go. so we get there and her friends are like playing poker and I'm like WTF I dunno how to play poker. then all of her friends are in like 6th grade and they're all athiest feminists and crazy. so while we're at her friends I make the mistake of telling Lauren about gino. she goes haywire and everyone is writing gino's name all over my arms and hands and on my upper arm they put his name with a heart around it [this will come into play later] so we get back to the family reunion and I'm down on the patio sitting with rache, jen, mike, lauren, aunt lisa, uncle chuck, donnie and chris. so within an hour everyone is asking me who gino is, and they didn't actually believe me when I said he was a figment of Lauren's imagination so I had to tell them and everyone is all OMG and I'm just like wow...so my uncle and donnie leave for a minute and then the smartasses come back down and they both have the name gino with a heart around in on their arms. everyone found THAT sooo hilarious. then EVERY OTHER sentence had gino's frickin name in it. my family is pretty much psycho. plain and simple. so then we just sat around talking [they ended up getting on the topic of kinky sex. no lie. cause my sister said she had furry handcuffs and I just wanted to throw up] and then we had a bonfire. I just made my cousin make me marshmellow's because I always burn them. it's nice having an age advantage so then at 11 everyone's getting ready to leave and me chris and aunt lisa aren't tired so we're like LET'S GO TO WALMART!! haha so at midnight we got to walmart and we were there until 3 in the morning. it was so much fun chris and me were pulling each other around in this wagon and crashing each other into stuff then we got these huge bouncy balls and I got PACMAN!! and bosconian and rally X and a bunch of other games. and I got the movie Girl, Interrupted which is a super good movie and I'm watching it again right now. Jay I'm bringing it over for you to watch when I get ungrounded! oh and that night we watched jackass the movie and it was like the 10th time I'd seen it, but it's still super funny. but anyways, to the serious part, last monday my gram kicked my uncle out. might as well say, my uncle's an alcoholic and lives [lived?] with my gramma. my aunt leslie, uncle george and aunt linda were pushing for her to kick him out, but it was just so weird. like Saturday night when we walked into the house it just didn't feel right. chris and I were talking and we both said it felt like someone died. and then I told my aunt lisa the house felt just like it did after grampa died. it just wasn't right. so the next morning my uncle had slept out on the porch and my mom talked to him, and he was shivering and hadn't eaten since monday. and the thing is my uncle is I think epileptic, so he has seizures, and we didn't know what he'd do if he had one on the street. but he left that morning before anyone could talk to him. so later than morning chris and I talked to grandma. and I told her how I felt about the house feeling the same as when grampa died. and then I asked her what she wanted. not what anyone else wanted, but what SHE wanted. and she said she wanted him back. and it was just a crazy mess and everyone was crying because we got to talking about grampa and uncle terry and those are just such sensitive topics in our family. so then my aunt and mom went and found my uncle and told him to come home. so everything ended up okay in the end, and I know my gramma was bunches happier, so that made it all worth it. so then I came home yesterday and did nothing really except watch independence day. and then today was of course band and I was just really cold all day and wasn't sweating or anything and I was wearing pants and a sweatshirt even though it was like 90 degrees. it was just really weird. and I was talking to Becky and she said it could be that I'm dehydrated because when you're dehydrated I guess you get really cold. I dunno. but I got home at like quarter till 1 and I fell asleep until 4:30 and then went to drum lessons, ate arby's and then here I am now. tomorrow are pictures. blah. well I'm gonna go finish watching this movie bye bye alysha [1 week and 1 day until I'm ungrounded!!!!!] post comment

picccccctures! [29 Jul 2005|02:38pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | the last song: the all american rejects ] so in the last day I've added a few new friends, so I decided I'll add some pictures of me so you all can see what I look like :] be nice. ( It is pronounced A-lee-sha =P ) there will definitely be more to come, considering I am an extreme camera whore =] 8 comments|post comment

[29 Jul 2005|02:28pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | build me up buttercup: the temptations <33 ] I'm going to let myself fall completely, utterly, absolutely head over heels for him. I'm not going to try and convince myself I don't like him because I'm afraid of getting hurt. not anymore. I'm going to enjoy myself and enjoy me falling for him =] Love like you've never been hurt something like that... 13 comments|post comment

JOIN THIS COMMUNITY [28 Jul 2005|07:14pm] JOIN BITCHES! 1 comment|post comment

boredom is definitely taking over... [28 Jul 2005|06:33pm] [ mood | bored out of my mind ] [ music | best of me: the starting line ] so I'm like grounded and I have absolutely nothing to do at all. I was actually to the point of extreme boredom that I put a piece of bread in the fan to see what it would do. it hit the cieling. yeah that's pretty lame, I know. yeah but today band was absolute and complete torture. first thing this morning we had to run a lap around the field [it's actually a football field painted on the parking lot because they're putting the turf in the real field] because we left trash yesterday or something. we're working on all the half time stuff and it's just so tedious. then at sectionals kifer was being like satan I swear to god he made us crab walk the whole length of the field then we marched up and down the whole field probably 5 or 6 times. I seriously felt like I was going to pass out yep but tomorrow is Friday and the next day is Saturday and you know what that means ... FAMILY REUNION. I am seriously NOT looking forward to this at all. well I'm gonna go watch a movie or something and I think Katie's supposed to drop the Harry Potter book off and stuff so I'll have something to do. later. alysha 4 comments|post comment

grounded [27 Jul 2005|02:23pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | back in the U.S.S.R: the beatles ] so yesterday sucked. we had to be at band at 7:30 for shoe fittings, and I had to stay until 1 for sectionals. so the night before I told my dad I was going over to Jordan's after band. Nick and I walk over, and we're there for maybe 45 minutes when my dad shows up all pissed saying I never told him for sure where I was going. I was like what the hell? so he made me come home, grounded me for two weeks and told me if I keep "pulling this shit" he's going to kick me out of the house. isn't that nice? so I'm giving it until December, and if all this stuff doesn't stop, I'm moving in with my mom. case closed. then to make matters worse, I come home and find out Gino is leaving for 6 days. not like I could see him anyways because I'm grounded, but it still sucks because I won't get to talk to him at all. and that just pissed me off so bad and then I couldn't even use the phone to call anyone. so I cleaned my room lmao. I was just so pissed and that kinda took my anger away. so now all I have to do with my life is band and work on my room. isn't that peachy? maybe something good will come out of this and my dad won't "let" me go to my family reunion that I'm dreading on Saturday. well, see you all in two weeks =( , unless you're in band with me. post comment

AHHHHHHH [22 Jul 2005|02:09pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Iris: The Goo Goo Dolls ] band is equaling hell right now. today was only the second day and I'm already worn out from it. if you didn't know, I'm on the drumline. I have to wake up at 7 every morning, take a shower and be out of my house by 7:20 (lmao I only give myself 20 minutes because I'm too lazy to get up any earlier) to meet michelle dan and nick at BP so we can walk to Harding together. then we're there until 12 (1 on sectional days) marching. and marching. oh yeah, and marching some more. but last night I got to go to the greek fest which would have been fun if there hadn't been fighting going on. I swear to God lately drama has just been following me around. to explain it simply, my ex-boyfriend (who is still one of my best friends) and my current boyfriend do not get along. at all. or, as in his words: "I wouldn't come within 15 feet of him even if I was dying." and I just don't know what to do. all I can think right now though, is if he cares about me so much, as much as he says he does, why can't he be happy for me? instead of making me feel guilty for hanging out with my boyfriend. god I'm just so SICK of this. alysha 1 comment|post comment

I just don't know. [21 Jul 2005|03:18pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | cute without the e: taking back sunday ] I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I seriously feel like I'm going crazy. I'm not eating normally, I'm not sleeping, I have no inititive to even get out of bed in the morning. I just don't know anymore. All I know is that I don't like this. 1 comment|post comment

this is like one big run-on sentence [19 Jul 2005|05:56pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Feel Good Inc.: Gorillaz ] I'm so bored there's nothing to do and my dad won't let me leave the house. so let's see what can I write about. oh well Sunday night I went to the fair. I brought Cori Jay Liss and Se. hahah we have a super small car and we were all in the back and we were like on people's laps and stuff and it was crazy and everytime we saw a cop we were like DUCK but good thing my dad knew the cop that stopped us. so we got to the fair and who else to do we meet up with? none other than Dom, Austin and Joe. well the first ride we go on is like this ride that goes upside down and they were gonna make me ride it alone! so Dom doesn't ride rides, I just don't like Austin so that leaves Joe. so we rode that and I was screaming the whole time but before the ride it was hilarious because I was hyper and we were in line and I was like screaming when I wasn't even on the ride because I'm crazy and people were looking at me like I was a tard tehe. so then we go on the infamous AIRPLANE RIDE. this time I made Liss sit on the side where you get squashed lol she was screaming to get off of her but you like can't move there's so much force. then after that is pretty much when everyone got split up. me Joe Se and Jay didn't wanna go on the ferris wheel and everyone else did so we went on this spaceship ride and I was screaming the whole time haha because there were like these giant ants. so then after that I got this blow-up spiderman (refer to one of my pictures) and some mardi gras bead necklaces and this pimp necklace that lights up when you squeeze it. oh and I got french fries while Joe went to go have secret sex with his girlfriend in the bathroom so then after that I was sitting on a bench next to Austin and Liss and I said somethign about Austin's very purple shirt (the same shirt Nick has but Nick's is green so it's better) and he heard me and I was like oh I mean your shirt really brings out your eyes and it made no sense because you can't have purple eyes. so after that we left and came back to my house (after dropping liss off because she's stupid and couldn't stay the night ) so we were pretty much on the computer all night. omg we came downstairs and they ate all my easy mac and cookies and we heard someone yell in the backyard and it was scary as hell. so then we were up until like 7 in the morning and Dan called Jay's cell at like 5:30 and I was all hyper and I was the human burrito lol while I was nudey. and then Jordan punched me in the boob! and I was like ow and I was like if I had breast cancer I'd be like a man lol. but then I kicked her in the face haha so we were even. then we went to sleep and woke up at 12 so I was tired and didn't get to go back to sleep. then yesterday I told Jordan I was gonna walk over her house and eat her food. and I was like home alone and I swear to God I heard the door open and close downstairs so Dan came over and walked me over to jordan's. we stopped at Chris' but he had to go greek dancing so he said he'd come over after. lolol then the jolly black giant almost ran us over and I screamed. the then we were outside and Dan totally flipped Jay off his skateboard lmao. then her mom got home and we went inside and ate taco's! mm taco's. then Dan was happy jesus hahaha and then chris came and we all just messed around and then Dan and I got in a pillow fight. he completely beat my ass and hit me in the eye which hurt but that's okay because I hit him in the face. and it was cold at Jordan's so I was the human burrito again in Jordan's blanket. oh yeah and Chris looks like he's 30 because he has a beard and no braces! heh he's the only 15 year old that could pull off a beard tehe. so Jordan's mom brought me home at 9:30 and I ate a bagel and was up until 4:30 in the morning. and now I wanna do something but my dad told me I can't leave the house and it sucks ass so maybe if I do my chores and call him he'll let me leave. hahahaha I doubt any of you have made it down here because this was super long. well later. alysha post comment

[07 Jul 2005|11:53am] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | Best of You: Foo Fighters ] Courtney's party was super fun. I broke up with Dan. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow. I'm running on 4 1/2 hours of sleep right now because I was on the phone with Liss until 5 in the morning. That just about sums up my last couple of days. I'll be back next Thursday. alysha 1 comment|post comment

[02 Jul 2005|12:17pm] I want a family. 1 comment|post comment

[02 Jul 2005|12:28am] I feel so horrible for my friends right now. they're going through so many problems that don't even make sense. it makes me realize how stupid and shallow I am. post comment

summmmmmmmer!!!!! [28 Jun 2005|03:14pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | She's Electric: Oasis ] guess what bitches? this summer is going to be fantubular (lmao my cousin's gay word for fantastic =P)! why? because this summer I actually have friends that INVITE me places. that actually TALK to me. that actually LISTEN to me. that actually CARE about me. that actually INCLUDE me in their plans. yeah last summer I saw my supposed "best friends" maybe ten times the whole summer. is this summer gonna be like that? HELLZ NO. haha I guess I'm just in a really good mood because I had an awesome time last night with some of my friends. that was seriously the most fun I've had in a while. just hanging out with such great people is awesome. like Dan told me: going into high school makes you realize and see who your true friends are and that it seems like that's why I'm doing now. damn straight. alysha 3 comments|post comment

HEAT [26 Jun 2005|07:58pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | Anarchy in the U.K.: The Sex Pistols ] this hot weather is making me want to pull my hair out and commit suicide. seriously. I would take Antartica over this right now. I cannot stand the heat. and it makes it 3509839085 times worse when you don't have air conditioning. I'm going to go pass out now. alysha 1 comment|post comment

[22 Jun 2005|01:36am] I NEED FRIENDS! post comment

[20 Jun 2005|12:28pm] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | back in the U.S.S.R: the beatles ] I hate it when people just expect you to forgive someone. my friends can get in a huge fight, call each other "bitch" and "slut" and whatever else, and make up the next day. am I weird because I can't do that? it takes me forever to forgive someone. especially with one certain person: my mom. I'm going to be quite blunt about this. my mom left my family for drugs and partying. as if it wasn't enough to divorce my dad and drag my sister and I to live with my grandparents, where we lost a lot of contact with my dad, but then she had to leave. for six years. how the hell do you think that makes a seven year old feel? unwanted. like you're not good enough for your own family. I didn't see my dad, my mom was gone. I was raised by my grandparents. in some ways I regret this so much, but in other ways I loved it. my grandparents are wonderful people. they were like my parents. they saw me off to school every day, took care of me when I was sick and were there for me. unlike my real parents. sure, I saw my dad once maybe every month. sometimes not even that often. but there are some things I regret about being raised by my grandparents. the obvious one is that everyone wants a normal family. one thing I always wanted was to live in a house with my real family. my mom, my dad and my sister. some kids wanted a new bike. some wanted a puppy. I just wanted a family. then there was when my grandpa died. he was like my dad, and that made it 3509830985 times harder. I always think that his death wouldn't have screwed me up so much if he had been like a regular grandparent, not a father. but do I regret it completely? no. I'm so happy I'm as close with my gram as I am. I'm happy I was as close to my gramps as I was. maybe all the hardships I endured at such a young age have made me stronger in a way I haven't discovered yet. but all I can see right now is how it's screwed me up. I can't trust people because I'm afraid they're going to leave me like my mom did. every time after she'd run away for weeks, sometimes months at a time, my mom would come back and I'd trust her again. but then she'd just leave again. and I remember everytime just sitting there crying, waiting for her to come back. after all of this, my mom comes back when I'm thirteen and expects all to be forgiven. everyone applauds her for taking care of my grandpa when he was sick. no one seems to remember what she did to my family, to my sister and I especially. it seems everyone has forgot it like it never even happened. this is where I come back to my original point: I can't forgive people easily. yeah, I smile when I'm around my mom. I pretend I'm fine. like nothing ever happened. but I remember. I remember all the nights that I cried about wanting my mom back. all the times I wished I had a normal family. all the missed birthdays where I just wanted my mom there. never a card. never a call. for five birthdays. never a call on Christmas. never any acknoledgement. how the hell can I forgive that? alysha 1 comment|post comment

[17 Jun 2005|03:39am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Gravity: The Dresden Dolls ] okay, it's almost four in the morning and I finally got this livejournal together! yes, I'm going to maintain this one .. I swear! these past few days have been pretty good; I'm finally going out with some I honestly care about, I think I may be getting reconnected with one of my good friends who switched schools, and one of my friends finally is going out with someone (conveniently with my friend who switched schools). so, I'd say things are going pretty damn good. tomorrow (today, actually) I have to go to Geneva with my mom, aunt, two cousins and my cousin's boyfriend. I really don't want to go because there's really not much to do in Geneva, and I'd much rather be here, as stupid as that sounds. well, I'm tired as heck and have nothing else to say, so I guess there will be more another time. night. alysha 2 comments|post comment

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